Of all the things that make a relationship work, being listened to, many would say, is the most important. Would you agree?
When people commit into a relationship, they are motivated to do so for two reasons: to love and to be loved in return. People get into relationships not just to give of themselves and everything they’ve got, somehow they also expect to receive the same in return, if not more. The act is more of an investment; in loving the other person, a reward is somehow expected in return. Sadly, in real life, people do not always get what they want, or worst, what they deserve. That’s not how relationships work in actual life; the ideal remains an ideal; expectations are not met, and in the process, hearts are broken.
Many books have been written about what makes a relationship work, and of all the things that have been mentioned and emphasized, one essential key is communication.
Communication
Communication is described as the exchange of information through messages, symbols, thoughts, signs and opinions. As human beings, we communicate by using the most basic ways of communication: we speak, we sing, we do sign language, our body moves in a particular manner and it’s referred to as our body language, through our touch, and lastly, through eye contact. In a formal learning environment, these basic ways of communication are classified into four types or categories: 1) Verbal Communication, 2) Non-Verbal Communication, 3) Written Communication, and 4) Visual Communication.
Part of communication is listening. It is described as an art, and is said to be the most effective tool in communication. One adage even says something like “listening is more important than speaking – that’s why human beings are given two ears to listen and only one mouth with which to speak”.
Listening Defined
How do you feel when you know that the other person is really listening to you intently? Isn’t it true that you feel important? Don’t you feel that you are respected? When you are listened to, do you not feel that you are loved? To all these questions, the answer is yes!
Have you heard of people complained like this? “You’re listening, yes! But you’re not hearing me!”
Listening is more than just appearing to hear. It is a process that consists of four stages: sensing and attending; understanding and interpreting; remembering, and responding. It means paying close attention to what is being said. Then it means evaluating what is heard. Then the last part is a demonstration of a response, which means that the listener needs to act or respond with what was said or done.
The Challenge in Every Relationship
The challenge in every relationship is that each partner has a need to be heard, thus, at times both speak (not at the same time, of course) and say something expecting to be heard. However, in most cases, instead of listening intently to who is speaking, the other party is also busy thinking about what he or she wants to say. Thus, the result is this: nobody heard anything.
In relationships, two unique individuals are brought together, and as can be expected, their uniqueness and differences will often challenge the love they have for each other. Differences in culture for instance, in beliefs, in values, in principles, in their individual needs and wants, in how they were brought up, in their educational backgrounds or level – these are just few of the things that can complicate a relationship unintentionally. They key to meeting halfway and making the relationship work is good communication. Each party must be willing to pause and listen, hear, and then respond appropriately. As what Stephen R. Covey said in his book the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood”. This is perfect communication. Can it be done? Yes, because true love knows no boundaries.
